Will Suck...

A young girl was a prostitute and, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided the brothel and arrested her with a group of prostitutes. They were instructed to line up on the sidewalk.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" The young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I’ll have some myself," she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer questioning all the prostitutes. At the end of the line, when he got to Grandma, he was bewildered. "But you’re so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's pretty easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck them dry!"

Dipikosin

If doctor gives a perfect medicine a patient would recover rapidly. That happened to Ramleela star Ranveer Singh, who is fighting with dengue, and now recovering fast. For this speedy recovery He would be thanks to the medicine Dipikosin, that was given to him on Saturday and Sunday. Its effect was so powerful, that he, who couldn’t reacting to any medicine suddenly getting better, and doctors were amazed, what is the reason behind this mysterious recovery, because they didn’t gave him any new prescription.  

Sources said that actually his heroin in Ramleela, and co star in hot number ishqyaun dhishqyaun, Dipika Padukone came to meet him on Saturday and Sunday and her appearance worked like wonder, even better than any medicine. That’s why doctors gave her a new name, Dipikosin!

OMG...

A couple was having difficulty surviving financially. They decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra income. The husband took her to a popular corner and said he would be at the side of the building, in case she had any questions or problems.

A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client 1000 Rs. She went back and told the client, at which he cried, ‘That's too much!’ He then asked, ‘How much for a hand job?’ She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.
The husband said ‘Ask for 500 Rs.’ The woman ran back and told the client. He got agree and removes his pants and underwear. On the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man’s jo was bigger one.
She asked him once more to wait. She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked ‘Now what?’ The wife replied ‘Can I borrow 500 Rs.?’

Real Indian terrific abler...

A boy asked her girl to marry him. She told him to prove his love to her. She wanted him to get her name, Rita, tattooed on his penis. When it is erect it says Rita and when it is limp it says Ra. They got married and went to India to a nude beach. The boy noticed a man who was waiting on him also has a Ra on his penis. He said oh you must have a wife named Rita, and the waiter said no mine says Real Indian terrific abler!!!

Double Trouble:

Johnny was expecting going out with boys but his wife was protesting. Wife, "last time you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt." Johnny, "But Honey, I promise that I won’t drink a drop of alcohol all night!" After begging for an hour, Johnny got the OK, as long as he stayed off the booze. But as happens, after three hours of guzzling liquor, Johnny blew foodstuff all over his shirt.

Johnny, "Shit! Now she is going to throw me out for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!" Smith, Johnny's best pal, gave an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife. Smith, "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of this, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."

So, when Johnny walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room. Wife, "I knew that you spoiled that new shirt!" Johnny, "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned." His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills. Wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"

Johnny, "Oh, That's from the guy who shit in my pants."

Do or Do Not:

Smith’s mother came to meet him. She had been suspicious of a relationship between Smith and his roommate Julie. Reading his mom's thoughts, Smith volunteered, "I know what you think, but, Julie and I are just roommates." After his mother’s returning, Julie couldn’t find her Cinderella touch gown, in which a simple girl looks like Cinderella. She said to Smith, "Ever since your mother went, I've been unable to find the beautiful gown. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take the gown, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take the gown. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here." A few days later, Smith receives a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gown by now. Love, Mom"

PM of India…

A man got an old lamp at seashore. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!
The genie said, "OK.  You released me from the lamp, so you’ll get one wish fulfilled.
The man thought, and then said, "I have been listening about Modi, Modi, Modi. I want once he should become the PM."
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!  Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports of other parties give him vote? Think of how much differences are in his party, other parties... No. Think of another wish."
The man tried to think of another wish.  Finally, he said, "Then make Rahul PM...."
The genie said, "You want Modi to be PM now are after election?"

But Where…

An old man was sitting on a bench in the park and crying. A younger man walked up to him and asked "What's wrong?" The old man replied "I am married to a 21 year old sexy woman, who gives me two blowjob a day and we have sex the minute I get home from work and right after dinner." The young man asked, "OK, but what's wrong? The old man replied "I can't remember where I live!"

Breathalyzer...

In an asylum an old lady was wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. An old man jumped out and said, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse, pulls out a little wrapper, and hands it to him. He looked it over, gave her a warning and sent her on her way.

Again she was wheeling in same way. Again, the same old man jumped out and said, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the center line back there. Can I see your license please?" She digs around in her purse, pulls out a receipt and hands it to him. He looked it over, gave her another warning and sent her on her way.

She zooms off again. Again he jumped out. This time, he's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady looked up and said, "Oh no...... not the Breathalyzer again!"

Stupid…

A guy came home from work, in his bedroom he finds a stranger in bed with his wife. He said, "What the hell are you two doing?" His wife turns to the stranger and says, "Haven’t I told you how stupid he is?"

Am I a Weather Man...

A husband and wife were asleep, suddenly the phone rang. The husband picks up the phone and before he can say hello, someone talked from the other end and the husband said, "How could I know, am I a weather man?" And slams the phone down. His wife asks, "Who was that?" The husband replied, "I don't know, it was some idiot who wanted to know if the coast is clear."

Death with pain…

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and offered them to try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own. The man quickly agreed. The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much to bear, he should let the doctor know.
The doctor turned on the machine. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more pain. The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him.
The couple took the new baby home. There, on the front step, the mailman lay dead.

Kick the Cat…

A boy was playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, a pig, and a chicken. When he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's this?" he asks. His mom said "You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The boy said to mom "Do you want me to tell him or should you tell him that no pussy for him?"

Condom in Home…

Three Sardars were gossiping in a bar. The first said "My wife is so dumb, yesterday she brought home a washer and dryer, and we haven't even got electricity!" The second said "My wife is stupider than yours, yesterday she brought home a dishwasher, and we haven't even got running water!"
The third said "My wife is even stupider! Yesterday I was in the kitchen and I saw her purse on the table. Everything was spilled out of it and there was a bunch of condoms lying there... and she hasn't even got a dick!"

Before Sex…

The doctor told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the main act. The man decided he should try it. All day he was thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered a passage, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. He undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick jerk at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

Strongest But Useless Viagra…

This older guy went to the doctor asking for a prescription for Viagra. The guy asked for a large dose of the strongest variety. The doctor asked why he needs so much. The guy says that two young nymphomaniacs are spending a week at his place. The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy came back to the doctor for pain killers. The doctor asked 'why, is your dick in that much pain?' 'no', said the guy, 'it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!'

lucky Mustache…

One winter, two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of Goa to escape the cold of Himalaya. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little arms and legs. Just then, the second flea arrived shivering and a shaking. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?"  To which the second replied, "I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very cold!" The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to getting here, first go to the airport, go to the ladies commode, wait for a pretty young stewardess to come along, and when she sits down you climb right up in there where it’s nice and warm". The second flea agreed that this was a great idea. The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again. The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little arms and legs. About that time, the second flea arrived again shivering, shaking, and mumbling about how cold he was. The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?" To which the second replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the ladies commode and a pretty stewardess came in and sat down, I climbed right up in there and it was so very warm. Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!

15 inches…

An innocent new bride went to her doctor for checkup. She asked the doctor "What's that thing hanging between my husband’s legs?"
The doctor replied "That’s the penis." The new bride then asks "What's that reddish thing on the end of penis?"
The doctor replied "That’s the head of the penis. The bride then asks "What are those 2 round things about 15 inches from the head of the penis?"
The doctor replied "Lady, on him I don't know, but on me they're the cheeks of my ass!"

Beauty with Brain...

A woman and a man’s cars got involved in an accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars were totally demolished but surprisingly neither of them was hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman said, "You're a man. I'm a woman. That's interesting. Just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our life."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good luck."
She hands the bottle to the man, the man opens it and drinks half the bottle and hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

How I look…

A woman has bed wetting problem, she went to the doctor. The doctor tells her to get undressed and wait for him in the other room. When the doctor went into the room he tells the woman to stand on her head facing the mirror. She figures he is a doctor and gets in front of the mirror. The doctor went over to the woman and rests his chin between her legs and looks in the mirror. After a few minutes he stands up and tells the woman to put her clothes back on.

The woman puts her clothes on and asks the doctor what is wrong with her. He told her that she needs to quit drinking before goes to bed. The woman asked the doctor why he had her get naked in front of the mirror and stand on her head. He replied, "I wanted to see how I would look with a beard."

Me and You…

One summer a farmer in US hired student to help around the farm. At the end of the summer the farmer says, "Since you have done a fine job here, so I am going to throw a party for you." The student says, "OK, thanks a lot man." The farmer says, "Better be able to handle a few beers because there will be lots of drinking going on." Student "I can drink just as much as anyone else." Farmer "There also would be a lot of fighting so I hope you are ready." Student "I have been working hard all summer and I think I am in pretty good shape." Farmer says, "Well, did I mention that there will be lots of sex?" Student "Good. I have been here all summer and I am dying for some action. What should I wear to this party?" Farmer says, "I don't care it's just going to be me and you."

A Deal of Happiness for one…

A man speaks to the bar owner. "I bet you 5000 Rs. that I can piss in this cup from across the room." The bar owner looks at the man like he was nuts and says with a laugh, "Ok buddy. You got a deal." So the man walked over to the other side of the room, pulls down his zipper and just lets it fly. Piss went everywhere; on the bar, on customers, all over the bar owner, but not a drop landed in the cup. The man walked back over to the bartender. The bartender says, "Ha ha ha. Well pay up." The man paid him, turns around and begins to laugh hysterically. The bar owner asks, "You just lost 5000 Rs., why are you laughing?" The man turns around and said, "You see that man over there. I bet him 100000 Rs. that I could piss all over your bar and you and you would be happy and laugh about it!"

Notes or change:

A woman went to a gynecologist but wouldn't tell the receptionist what's wrong with her, just says she must see the doctor. After hours of waiting, the doctor sees her in. Doctor asked Ok, what is the problem. Well, she said, “my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. So I had five hundred dollars and I stuffed it in my vagina but now I can't get it out. The doctor said, “Don't be nervous, this happen all the time. He asked her to pull down her underwear, sits her down with legs wide open, he puts his gloves on and says, “I only have one question. What am I looking for? Notes or loose change?”

My Wife…

A guy walks into a ladies bar and orders 2 quarters of old monk rum. The bar girl asked, "What happened," the guy replied, “I just found out that my younger son is gay. The bar girl says, "Oh, I am sorry about it." After a couple of days the guy comes back and orders 3 quarters of old monk rum. The same bar girl asked, "What happened now," The guy responds, “I found out that my older son is gay, too.” The bar girl says, “Oh I am sorry.” The guy returned a few days later and ordered 4 quarters of old monk rum. The bar girl burst out, "Isn't anyone in your family getting any pussy?!" The guy gets really pissed and says, "Yeah, my wife!!!!!"

Winding My…

One day, a city chap was ride a camel in Rajasthan area, and found a villager lying on the ground with his pennies sticking out of his dhoti! The city chap gets off his camel and asks, "What are you doing?" The villager replies, "Seeing time! Penis acts as sundial." The city chap in disbelief challenges, "Ok, what time is it?" The villager looks down and says "3.35..." "Unbelievable, you’re right!" the city chap says in bewilderment. Riding further, he sees the same thing, and asks time. The villager looks down and says "4.40". The city chap was shocked, the time was right again! After riding a while again, he sees another villager on the ground, except he was jerking off. The city chap asks, "And what are you doing?" to which the villager replies, "Me winding my watch."

Butt swapping

Three friends went in a dance bar. First friend licks a 100 rupees note and slaps it on one side of her butt. Second friend also, licks a 100 rupees note and slaps it on the other side of her butt. Third friend takes out a credit card, swipes it through her butt and takes the 200 rupees.

Cold ears:

A newlywed couple decided to Laddakh in Himalayas for a romantic trip. When they got to the cottage it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place. He came in 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, and she said him put your hands between my thighs to warm them. So he did and went back outside to finish chopping wood. He came in another 5 minutes and said "Sugar my hands are cold again". She tells him put your hands between my thighs to warm them. So he did and then he went back out to chop some more wood. 5 minutes has passed and he came in again and said, "honey my hands are cold again". She then said, "Damn, don't your ears ever get cold?"

Breakfast

One angry wife met her husband at the entry. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. She snarled, "There must be a very good reason for you to come here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "That is breakfast."

AIDS

A girl was picked up by Sachin Tendulakr in a Hotel. She goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok". She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it. Sachin says, "When I play, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement." A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. "I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!" He says, "It's cool baby, in a minute it will say "ADIDAS".

Kicking Ass

A blind man was going with his dog. Both stopped at a corner to wait for the passing traffic. Suddenly, the dog, started pissing on the man’s leg. The man put his hand into his coat pocket and pulled out a dogie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all this and was surprised. He approached the blind man and asked how he could reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fucking ass."

Embarrassing

Two pygmies decide to go to Las Vegas for a vacation. At the hotel bar, they were dazzled by two beautiful tall hookers, and wind up taking them to their rooms.
First pygmy was very disappointed, because he was unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the sounds from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH! all night long.
In the morning, the second pygmy asks the first, “How did it go?” The first whispers back, “It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection.” The second pygmy shook his head, “You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed!”

Get rid of…

A farmer was lying in bed with his wife when he turns to and grabs her tits and says "Sugar, if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow". Then he grabs her pussy and says "Sugary, if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens". She turns to him smiles, grabs his dick and says "Sweetie if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother"

New Year Gift:

After the annual office New Year party bash, Rahman woke up with a pounding headache, dry mouthed, and totally unable to recall the events of the prior evening. After spending half an hour in bathroom, he was able to make his way drawing room, where his wife put some tea before him. "Nazma," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse, you made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."
"He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!"
"You did. All over his suit, "Nazma informed him." And he fired you."
"Well, fuck him," said John.
"I did. You're back at work on New Year."

Hit The Ball With Hands

An old film producer and his flicks heroin want to take golf lessons from an instructor at a country club of Bombay. The man and woman meet the instructor and head to the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf instructor says, "Not bad, now hold the club as firm as you want to hold your heroin's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf instructor says "Excellent!" Now the heroin takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards. Golf instructor says, "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your producer’s dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golf instructor, "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."

Fingering or…?

Rahul and his girlfriend were drinking when they started an argument that who enjoys sex more men or women. Rahul said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" the GF countered "That doesn't prove anything." "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"

Coke or Thums up:

A teen has been asking the prettiest girl in the vicinity for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a multiplex for a movie then a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a out-of-the-way spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way.
"Okay, how about a blow job?" he asked. "Yuck!" she screams. "I'm not putting that thing in my mouth!"
He says, "Then, how about a hand job?" "I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"
"Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?" She nods. "Well, it's just like that."
So, he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.
"What's wrong?!" she cries out.
"Take your thumb off the end!!"

Mahant dom

Mahant dom:

Three sadhvis (nuns) were gossiping. The first sadhvi said, "The other day I was cleaning in mahant's room and you know what I found? Some nude photos!" "Then what did you do?" One sadhvi asked. "I burnet them in the stove." The second sadhvi said, "This is nathin. I was in mahant's room and I found some condoms!" "Oh God!" gasped the other sadhvis. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.

I didn't realize:

Late at night this guy enters the dhaba and demands a glass of water.  The guy drinks it in one gulp and asked for a second glass. Six glasses later he has recovered enough to speak.  "Thank God," he croaks. "That's hell of a thirst you've got," says the Dhaba owner.
The guy said, "Any man would be as bad if he'd had sex with the woman in my car.  She's insatiable.  She wants me to go right back out there and do it all again, but I couldn't." "Where's your car?" the Dhaba owner asked. "Just a little away at the roadside," the guy gasped.
"May I ask for a favor," said the Dhaba owner, "watch my Dhaba for me while, I nip out and take your place in the car." "Sure, be my guest," the guy says. So the Dhaba owner goes outside and gets in the car.  It's totally dark, so the woman didn't realize he's a different man.  And they get right down to it, humping away.
Five minutes later there's a knock on the window.  It's a cop, and he shines his flashlight on the naked couple. "What's going on here?" he asked. "It's all right, officer," explained the Dhaba owner,  "She's my wife." The officer replied apologetically, "Oh, sorry, I didn't realize."
Look at the woman the landlord said, "Neither did I, till you switched on that damned light."

Soup or Pussy…

One night an old man and woman were getting ready for bed when all of a sudden the old lady bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy" The old man says "I'll have the soup."

Patriot

India’s spy agency RAW was evaluating three men to be hired. They bring them in for interview separately. The first came in and sat down. The interviewer asked, "Do you love your wife?" He replied "Yes I do, sir." "Do you love your country?" asked the interviewer. "Yes I do, sir.” interviewer continues, "Whom do you love more, wife or country?" he replies "My country, sir." The interviewer looks at the man, "Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun go into the next room and kill her." The man went into the room; all is silence for about 5 minutes. He came back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He put down the gun and leaved. The second guy came in and sat down. Asked the same question and the responses was the same too. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells him to kill his wife. The guy put the gun down and said "I can't do it..." The third guy came in, the same question answer. Given the gun, and told to go kill his wife. The guy went into the room, and dhadam! Bhadam! Bhudum! This is followed by crashing sounds that end after a few minutes. The guy came out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looked at him and asked "What happened?!?!" The guy replied, "The gun you gave me was filled with blanks, so I had to strangulated her!"

Can I…

A pregnant woman with her first child paid a visit to her doctor. After the examination, she coyly said, "My hubby wants to ask you...” doctor quickly replies "I know... I know..., I am used to be asked it all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, no…," the woman said. "He wants to know can I still mowing the lawn."

Turn Around:

A dwarf gets on a lift, just before the door closes; a huge hand comes through and opens the door. And a very large black man enters in the lift. The dwarf stares and says "You're the biggest man I have ever seen". The man nods, and replies "I'm 6-9, weigh 110 Kg, and I have 16 inches, I'm Turner Brown." The dwarf faints! After coming, the dwarf asked the man to repeat.  He said, "I said I'm 6 - 9, 110 Kg, with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown." The dwarf looked relieved and said. "Oh, I thought you said 'Turn Around'."

Magic

A guy went up to a girl in a bar and says, "You like to play 'Magic'?" She says, "What magic?" He says, "We go to my house and fuck, and then you disappear."