Double Trouble:

Johnny was expecting going out with boys but his wife was protesting. Wife, "last time you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt." Johnny, "But Honey, I promise that I won’t drink a drop of alcohol all night!" After begging for an hour, Johnny got the OK, as long as he stayed off the booze. But as happens, after three hours of guzzling liquor, Johnny blew foodstuff all over his shirt.

Johnny, "Shit! Now she is going to throw me out for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!" Smith, Johnny's best pal, gave an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife. Smith, "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of this, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."

So, when Johnny walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room. Wife, "I knew that you spoiled that new shirt!" Johnny, "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned." His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills. Wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"

Johnny, "Oh, That's from the guy who shit in my pants."

Do or Do Not:

Smith’s mother came to meet him. She had been suspicious of a relationship between Smith and his roommate Julie. Reading his mom's thoughts, Smith volunteered, "I know what you think, but, Julie and I are just roommates." After his mother’s returning, Julie couldn’t find her Cinderella touch gown, in which a simple girl looks like Cinderella. She said to Smith, "Ever since your mother went, I've been unable to find the beautiful gown. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take the gown, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take the gown. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here." A few days later, Smith receives a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gown by now. Love, Mom"

PM of India…

A man got an old lamp at seashore. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!
The genie said, "OK.  You released me from the lamp, so you’ll get one wish fulfilled.
The man thought, and then said, "I have been listening about Modi, Modi, Modi. I want once he should become the PM."
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!  Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports of other parties give him vote? Think of how much differences are in his party, other parties... No. Think of another wish."
The man tried to think of another wish.  Finally, he said, "Then make Rahul PM...."
The genie said, "You want Modi to be PM now are after election?"