Couldn’t walk…

Few first standard boys were standing at their school’s toilet to pee. One said, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on its head!”

"I've been circumcised,” the other replied.

"What does it mean?"

"It means they cut the skin off."

"How old were you when it was cut off?"

"My mom said I was just two days old."

"Did it hurt?"

"Hurt? I couldn't walk for a whole year!"

Appointment…

This fellow woke up from deep sleep and, feeling too horny, nudges his wife to awake and asks, "Let’s we get it on, eh?" She replied, "Oh, I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." The husband agreed and rolled back over and started to try to go back to sleep.

Few minutes later, he again nudges his wife and asked, "You don't have an appointment with a dentist tomorrow, do you?"

Extreme Sexual Exhaustion…

A young beautiful lady teacher started talking about tomorrow's final exam in her college class. She said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smarty, male student asked, ‘What about extreme sexual exhaustion?’, and the whole classroom smiling with looking hither and thither. After a pause, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

Sure he is screwing you…

A girl was so desperate that she decided to end her life by drown into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you are young you've got a lot to live for. I'm going to Us in the morning, if you like, I can stowaway you on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded, after all, what did she have to loose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She explained, "I have an arrangement with one sailor. He's taking me to Us, and he's screwing me."

The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, it is the Mumbai-Goa Ferry.”

Tuna shit…

At the local wood mill a blind man was giving an interview for a job as a quality controller. The manager asked him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him and asked, ‘what is it tell me without touching it.’ The blind man replied, ‘That’s a good piece of willow.’ ‘OK,’ said the manager, ‘now try this one.’ ‘That’s a second grade piece of teak,’ says the blind man. ‘Right,’ told the manager.

Now, the manager decided to play a trick. He got agreed his secretary to lift her dress and put her crotch near the blind man’s face. ‘I'm confused,’ said the blind man, ‘Can you turn it around?’ The secretary turns around and puts her ass near his face. The blind man says, ‘Oh, you’re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It’s the shit house door off a tuna boat!’

Mouthful…

The parents of three girls couldn't afford their marriages, so they got married on the same day. They couldn't even afford to go on a honeymoon, so they all stayed home with their hubbies. That night the mother couldn't sleep, so she got up.

She went passed her eldest daughter's room and she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughter’s room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything.

Next morning when the men left, the mother asked her eldest daughter, ‘Why were you screaming last night?’ The daughter replied, ‘Mom you always told me if something hurt, I should scream.’

‘That's true.’ She looked at her second daughter. ‘And why were you laughing?’
The daughter replied, ‘Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh.’
‘That's also true.’ Then she looked at her youngest daughter. ‘And you, why was it so quiet in your room?’

The youngest daughter replied, ‘Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouthful.’

How I rang the bell…

A woman posted an ad in the news paper, 'I wanted a man who won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great lover.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but the perfect reach at her door. The man said, ‘Hello, I'm Johnny. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away.’

The lady asked, ‘OK, but how would you think you are a great lover?’

Johnny replied, ‘What do you think? How and with what I rang the door bell?’