AIDS

A girl was picked up by Sachin Tendulakr in a Hotel. She goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok". She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it. Sachin says, "When I play, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement." A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. "I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!" He says, "It's cool baby, in a minute it will say "ADIDAS".

Kicking Ass

A blind man was going with his dog. Both stopped at a corner to wait for the passing traffic. Suddenly, the dog, started pissing on the man’s leg. The man put his hand into his coat pocket and pulled out a dogie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all this and was surprised. He approached the blind man and asked how he could reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fucking ass."

Embarrassing

Two pygmies decide to go to Las Vegas for a vacation. At the hotel bar, they were dazzled by two beautiful tall hookers, and wind up taking them to their rooms.
First pygmy was very disappointed, because he was unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the sounds from the next room, he hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH! all night long.
In the morning, the second pygmy asks the first, “How did it go?” The first whispers back, “It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection.” The second pygmy shook his head, “You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the bed!”

Get rid of…

A farmer was lying in bed with his wife when he turns to and grabs her tits and says "Sugar, if you could get milk out of these we could sell the cow". Then he grabs her pussy and says "Sugary, if you could get eggs out of here we could sell the chickens". She turns to him smiles, grabs his dick and says "Sweetie if you could get this up I could get rid of your brother"

New Year Gift:

After the annual office New Year party bash, Rahman woke up with a pounding headache, dry mouthed, and totally unable to recall the events of the prior evening. After spending half an hour in bathroom, he was able to make his way drawing room, where his wife put some tea before him. "Nazma," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse, you made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."
"He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!"
"You did. All over his suit, "Nazma informed him." And he fired you."
"Well, fuck him," said John.
"I did. You're back at work on New Year."

Hit The Ball With Hands

An old film producer and his flicks heroin want to take golf lessons from an instructor at a country club of Bombay. The man and woman meet the instructor and head to the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf instructor says, "Not bad, now hold the club as firm as you want to hold your heroin's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf instructor says "Excellent!" Now the heroin takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards. Golf instructor says, "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your producer’s dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golf instructor, "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."

Fingering or…?

Rahul and his girlfriend were drinking when they started an argument that who enjoys sex more men or women. Rahul said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?" the GF countered "That doesn't prove anything." "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"