Couldn’t walk…

Few first standard boys were standing at their school’s toilet to pee. One said, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on its head!”

"I've been circumcised,” the other replied.

"What does it mean?"

"It means they cut the skin off."

"How old were you when it was cut off?"

"My mom said I was just two days old."

"Did it hurt?"

"Hurt? I couldn't walk for a whole year!"

Appointment…

This fellow woke up from deep sleep and, feeling too horny, nudges his wife to awake and asks, "Let’s we get it on, eh?" She replied, "Oh, I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." The husband agreed and rolled back over and started to try to go back to sleep.

Few minutes later, he again nudges his wife and asked, "You don't have an appointment with a dentist tomorrow, do you?"

Extreme Sexual Exhaustion…

A young beautiful lady teacher started talking about tomorrow's final exam in her college class. She said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smarty, male student asked, ‘What about extreme sexual exhaustion?’, and the whole classroom smiling with looking hither and thither. After a pause, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

Sure he is screwing you…

A girl was so desperate that she decided to end her life by drown into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you are young you've got a lot to live for. I'm going to Us in the morning, if you like, I can stowaway you on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded, after all, what did she have to loose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She explained, "I have an arrangement with one sailor. He's taking me to Us, and he's screwing me."

The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, it is the Mumbai-Goa Ferry.”

Tuna shit…

At the local wood mill a blind man was giving an interview for a job as a quality controller. The manager asked him how he expected to do this job since he was blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell. The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him and asked, ‘what is it tell me without touching it.’ The blind man replied, ‘That’s a good piece of willow.’ ‘OK,’ said the manager, ‘now try this one.’ ‘That’s a second grade piece of teak,’ says the blind man. ‘Right,’ told the manager.

Now, the manager decided to play a trick. He got agreed his secretary to lift her dress and put her crotch near the blind man’s face. ‘I'm confused,’ said the blind man, ‘Can you turn it around?’ The secretary turns around and puts her ass near his face. The blind man says, ‘Oh, you’re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It’s the shit house door off a tuna boat!’

Mouthful…

The parents of three girls couldn't afford their marriages, so they got married on the same day. They couldn't even afford to go on a honeymoon, so they all stayed home with their hubbies. That night the mother couldn't sleep, so she got up.

She went passed her eldest daughter's room and she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughter’s room and she heard laughing. Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything.

Next morning when the men left, the mother asked her eldest daughter, ‘Why were you screaming last night?’ The daughter replied, ‘Mom you always told me if something hurt, I should scream.’

‘That's true.’ She looked at her second daughter. ‘And why were you laughing?’
The daughter replied, ‘Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh.’
‘That's also true.’ Then she looked at her youngest daughter. ‘And you, why was it so quiet in your room?’

The youngest daughter replied, ‘Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouthful.’

How I rang the bell…

A woman posted an ad in the news paper, 'I wanted a man who won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great lover.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but the perfect reach at her door. The man said, ‘Hello, I'm Johnny. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away.’

The lady asked, ‘OK, but how would you think you are a great lover?’

Johnny replied, ‘What do you think? How and with what I rang the door bell?’

Mixer…

A woman was in the labor room, the doctor told her to push. She did and the baby's head popped out. The doctor said, ‘Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes.’ To which she replied ‘Yeah I heard, Chinese men are pretty good, so I decided to give them a try.’
The doctor told her to push again. This time the baby's body came out. ‘Your baby has a white body,’ the doctor said. ‘Yeah I heard, white men are pretty good, so I decided to give them a try,’ she said.
The doctor again told her to push again. So she did and the legs came out. ‘Your baby has black legs,’ the doctor said. ‘Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try,’ she said.
The doctor turns to the woman and asks, ‘How would you accept a baby who has slanted eyes, white body, and black legs?’ The woman replied ‘I'm glad it doesn’t bark!’

Now I know definitely…

A kindergarten teacher was trying to explain to the class the definition of the word ‘definitely’. To make sure that the students have a good understanding of the word, she asked them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said, ‘The sky is definitely blue’. The teacher said, ‘OK, good trying, but that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy.’

Second student said, ‘Grass is definitely green.’ The teacher said, ‘If grass doesn't get enough water it turns yellow and brown, so that isn't really correct either.’

Another student raised his hand and asked, ‘Do farts have lumps?’ The teacher looked at him hard and said, ‘No, but that isn't a question you should ask in class discussion.’ The student replied, ‘Then I definitely shit in my pants.’

Four Types of Sex:

House sex - When you are newly married you have sex all over the house in every room.

Bedroom sex - After you have been married for a while, you have sex in the bedroom only.

Hall sex - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "Fuck you"

Courtroom sex - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the court in front of many people for every paisa you've got.

Happy Sex

The factory management however reaches the conclusion that a labor who gets good sex is certainly works better. So it was decided that a clinical psychology would be work wonder in the matter. A specialist was invited for nearly 300 people’s group therapy. The specialist meets in a big hall to the entire group. To break the ice, and getting the therapy started, he asked how often the attendees have sex. He first asked all the people who have sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised. He then asked, how many had sex once in a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. He then asked how many have sex once or twice in a month? Again a few hands were raised. After he polled his group several more times he noticed one guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. He noticed that the guy never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he have sex. The guy said, once a year! To his dismay, he asked, why are you so happy getting sex only once in a year? The grinning guy responded, "Tonight is the long awaited night!"

Larger than life...

On their first night, a newlywed bride goes to change. She comes out coyly from the bathroom, wearing a beautiful and revealing slips. Looking this, the proud husband said, "My dear, we are married now, you can come out from that slips." She shyly, obeyed. And stunned hubby said, "My, my, you are so beautiful; let me take a snap of you. Timidly she said, "Oh no?" He answers, "Oh, come on honey, I will carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

She smiles and he takes her picture. Then he went into the bathroom. He came out wearing his dressing gown and the new wife asked, "Why do you wear the robe? You said we are married now." Listen to that, the man opened his dressing gown and she exclaimed, "MY my, let me get a picture". He grinned and asked why and she answered, "I can get it enlarged!"

Virgin with a wish…

Just got married couple was talking on the night of their honeymoon. Before passionate love, the wife told the hubby, "For god’s sake don’t be rough, please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." The shocked husband, exclaimed, "How's this possible? You've been married three times." The wife replied, "Oh, my first husband was a gynecologist and he wanted to look at it only. My second husband was a psychiatrist and he only wanted to talk about it. My third husband was a stamp collector and he wanted to do was...oh, I wish I was with him!"

Who is The Boss

The newlywed couple was in their honeymoon room. The groom wanted to show his bossism and decides to let the bride know who is boss and where she stands.

He took off his trousers and threw them at her and said, "Put those on."

The bride replied, "I can't wear your trousers."

He said, "There you are. And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in my family!"

The fires bride took off her panty and threw it at him and said in rage, "Try those on!"

He replied, "I couldn’t get into your panty!"

"And you never will if you keep this attitude."

Woman isTornado…

What is the similarity in woman and tornado?

They both moan like hell when come, and take the house when they leave.

You are gettiing…

One day a very beautiful woman walked into a doctor’s office and the doctor was bowled over by her stunning beauty. He forgot his professionalism and told her to take her pants, she did, and he started rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asked the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replied.

He told her to take off her shirt and bra, she took them off. The doctor began rubbing her breasts and asked, "Do you know what I am doing now?” she replied, "Yes, checking for breast cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, laid her on the table, got on top of her and started having sex with her. He said to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replied, "Yes, getting harpies – for which I was here!"