No result

An elderly man wanted to be father with his younger newlywed wife. So, he consults to the doctor, who wants to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What’s the problem? Elderly man: Well, I tried hard with my right hand...no result. Then, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still no result. Doctor: One moment! You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off from this bloody specimen cup.

Bill In History

Santa asks, "How will Bill Clinton remembered in the history?"

Banta replies, "The President after Bush"

You Idiot

One day this woman walks out of her room. She notices a strange little man at the bottom of her steps.

"You're a goblin," she says, "Now I caught you and you have to fulfill my three wishes!". The goblin replies "OK, you caught me, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge manor to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you'll got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you'll got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you'll got it too. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "hmmm, OK, if that's what it takes..."

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 30", she replies

"Fuck me", says the man, "30 and you still believe in goblins"

Hair grows on girl’s chest and…

An ambitious coach of a girls’ track team started giving them steroids. Their performance rises and they go on to win many local and state level championships. The day before the national championship, Julie, a 16-year-old hurdler, came into his office.

“Sir,” she says, “I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest.”

“Oh my God!” yells the coach. “How far down does it go?”

“Down to my balls,” she replies, “and that’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about…”

End of World

A man talks to a drinking companion in a bar. Suddenly he starts crying.

His friend asks him, “What’s the matter, dear pal?”

The man replies, “My wife said she wouldn’t talk to me for a week.”

The companion responds, “That sounds bad but it’s not the end of the world, is it?”

The man raises his head and says, “Yes, it is—today is the last day.”

Girls and rocks

Q: What is common in girls and rocks?

A: Everyone skips the flat ones.

Period...

A teacher of kindergarten class gives homework to find out about something exciting and tell it to the class the next day. Next day, the first little boy called on to the front of the class, and, he said one word period.
Puzzled teacher asked him just what it was.
“It’s a period,” said the little boy.
“Well, OK,” she said, “but what is so exciting about a period?”
“Damned if I know,” said the little boy, “but this morning my sister was missing one, dad had a heart attack, mom fainted, and the man next door shot himself.”

Sorry we are married

A man and a woman who were strangers, given the same sleeping cabin on a Duranto train. After some awkwardness, they settled into their respective berths for the night.

In the middle of the night, the man leans over, wakes up the woman, and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket?”

The woman leans out and says with a grin, “I have a better idea. Just for tonight let’s pretend we’re married.”

“You mean…”

“Right, get your own damn blanket!

Barbie couldn’t be pregnant

Q: Why didn’t Barbie ever get pregnant?

A: Because Ken came in a different box.