Who is Driving!

In a large car, two elderly women were driving and they hardly can see over the dashboard. they came to a signal. The light was red, but they went on. The woman in the passenger seat thought for sure she had seen the light turned red, but said nothing; because she thinks she may be imagining things.
After a few more minutes they came to another signal where the light was red, and again they went right through. This time, the passenger was just about sure that the light was red. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention.
At the next signal, the light was definitely red, and the two went right through it. Finally, the passenger turned to the other woman and said, “Diana! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us.”
Diana turned to her and replied, “Oh, god! It's me who is driving?”

Great Technique

Two friends coming very late from a party, talking about there married life. One said, "I can never fool my wife. I used to turn off the car’s engine and sail into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone."
"You use the wrong technique, my dear," his buddy replied. "I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, pat my hand on my wife’s ass, and ask, How about a little? And she pretends to be asleep."

Powell and Rumsfel

American Government’s Secretaries Powell and Rumsfeld were sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t they Powell and Rumsfeld?”

The barkeep says, “Yah.”

The guy walks over to them and says, “Hello, what are you doing here guys?”

Rumsfeld says, “We’re planning a war,” the guy asked, “Really? Where?”

Rumsfeld says, “Well, we are going to kill ten million Afghans and one beggar.”

And the guy exclaims, “Why are you going to kill a beggar?”

Rumsfeld turns to Powell and says, “See, I told you no one would care about the ten million Afghans!”

Three knots

A drunken sailor went to call girl and gives $1000, then they proceed to bedroom. After a few minutes, the sailor asked, “How am I doing?”

“About three knots,” says the girl.

“Three knots?” asks the sailor. “What do you mean?”

“You are not hard, you are not in, and you will not get your money back.”

Am I the first?

An assistant film director asks a Bollywood siren he has just slept with, “Am I the first person whom you ever made love?”

The siren snaps her cigarette ash and replies, “You, hmm... may be. Your face looks familiar.

Bulging eyes

 One morning this guy wakes up and notices that his eyes are bulging. Becomes concerned, he goes to his doctor. The doctor told him that he has a rare disease; it will require him to take the medication for months to clear up the disease; however the medication will make his hair fall out permanently.

Several months later the guy’s eyes are still bulging. More so, now his hair is also gone. So he goes to a different doctor, who informs him that he has a prostate problem and they will have to remove his testicles. Guy has the surgery, only to find out his eyes are still bulging. He changed doctor after doctor, but all in a vain.

However, when he went to order some custom shirts, the tailor told him he took a 17-inch collar. He said, I’ve always taken a 15-inch collar. Tailor said, but, you have a 17-inch collar.

The guy insist for 15” collar. Tailor said, Okay, I’ll do it. But do you know what happens, when the collar is too small? It makes your eyes bulge.