Do or Do Not:

Smith’s mother came to meet him. She had been suspicious of a relationship between Smith and his roommate Julie. Reading his mom's thoughts, Smith volunteered, "I know what you think, but, Julie and I are just roommates." After his mother’s returning, Julie couldn’t find her Cinderella touch gown, in which a simple girl looks like Cinderella. She said to Smith, "Ever since your mother went, I've been unable to find the beautiful gown. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take the gown, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take the gown. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here." A few days later, Smith receives a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gown by now. Love, Mom"

PM of India…

A man got an old lamp at seashore. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie!
The genie said, "OK.  You released me from the lamp, so you’ll get one wish fulfilled.
The man thought, and then said, "I have been listening about Modi, Modi, Modi. I want once he should become the PM."
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!  Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports of other parties give him vote? Think of how much differences are in his party, other parties... No. Think of another wish."
The man tried to think of another wish.  Finally, he said, "Then make Rahul PM...."
The genie said, "You want Modi to be PM now are after election?"

But Where…

An old man was sitting on a bench in the park and crying. A younger man walked up to him and asked "What's wrong?" The old man replied "I am married to a 21 year old sexy woman, who gives me two blowjob a day and we have sex the minute I get home from work and right after dinner." The young man asked, "OK, but what's wrong? The old man replied "I can't remember where I live!"

Breathalyzer...

In an asylum an old lady was wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. An old man jumped out and said, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse, pulls out a little wrapper, and hands it to him. He looked it over, gave her a warning and sent her on her way.

Again she was wheeling in same way. Again, the same old man jumped out and said, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross the center line back there. Can I see your license please?" She digs around in her purse, pulls out a receipt and hands it to him. He looked it over, gave her another warning and sent her on her way.

She zooms off again. Again he jumped out. This time, he's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady looked up and said, "Oh no...... not the Breathalyzer again!"

Stupid…

A guy came home from work, in his bedroom he finds a stranger in bed with his wife. He said, "What the hell are you two doing?" His wife turns to the stranger and says, "Haven’t I told you how stupid he is?"

Am I a Weather Man...

A husband and wife were asleep, suddenly the phone rang. The husband picks up the phone and before he can say hello, someone talked from the other end and the husband said, "How could I know, am I a weather man?" And slams the phone down. His wife asks, "Who was that?" The husband replied, "I don't know, it was some idiot who wanted to know if the coast is clear."

Death with pain…

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and offered them to try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own. The man quickly agreed. The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much to bear, he should let the doctor know.
The doctor turned on the machine. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more pain. The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him.
The couple took the new baby home. There, on the front step, the mailman lay dead.