Butter Spread…

A lady and her little boy were walking through a park and they passed a pair of squirrels having sex. The little boy asked his mom, "Mommy, mommy, what are they doing?" The lady responded, "They're making a sandwich." Then they pass a pair of dogs having sex and the little boy again asks what they are doing. The mother again replied they were making a sandwich. A couple of weeks later the little boy walks on his mother and father and said "Mommy, Daddy, you must be making a sandwich because, mommy has butter spread all over her mouth!!!"

Making fool…

A wife was alone at home and the doorbell rang.

She opened it. There was his hubby’s friend at the door. Who asked, "Hi is Johnny at home?"

The wife replied, "No, he went to the store, you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after awhile the friend said, "You know sis, you have the greatest breasts, I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred dollars just to see one."

The wife thinks about it for a second - a hundred dollars! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He thanked her and threw a hundred dollars on the table. They sit there awhile and then the friend said, "That was so amazing, I want to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

The wife, amazed by the offer thinks a bit about it and decided, why not? So she opens her robe and gave him a good chance to look at.

Later, Johnny arrived from the store. The wife told him, "You know, your friend Chris came here."

Johnny asked, "Well did he give you 200 dollars he owes me?"

In this Position…

On Christmas Eve, Santa Claus came down the chimney and met a beautiful 19 year old young lady who was too horny to bear it. She said, "Santa, will you stay with me tonight?” Santa replied, "Oh, I have to go, go to deliver these toys to good girls and boys."
Than she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked, "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
"Oh, oh I have to go, to deliver these toys to gook girls and boys."
She took off everything and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"
Santa replied, "Oh, yes, I have to stay, because I can't get up the chimney with my dick in this position!"

Couldn’t walk…

Few first standard boys were standing at their school’s toilet to pee. One said, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on its head!”

"I've been circumcised,” the other replied.

"What does it mean?"

"It means they cut the skin off."

"How old were you when it was cut off?"

"My mom said I was just two days old."

"Did it hurt?"

"Hurt? I couldn't walk for a whole year!"

Appointment…

This fellow woke up from deep sleep and, feeling too horny, nudges his wife to awake and asks, "Let’s we get it on, eh?" She replied, "Oh, I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before." The husband agreed and rolled back over and started to try to go back to sleep.

Few minutes later, he again nudges his wife and asked, "You don't have an appointment with a dentist tomorrow, do you?"

Extreme Sexual Exhaustion…

A young beautiful lady teacher started talking about tomorrow's final exam in her college class. She said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smarty, male student asked, ‘What about extreme sexual exhaustion?’, and the whole classroom smiling with looking hither and thither. After a pause, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

Sure he is screwing you…

A girl was so desperate that she decided to end her life by drown into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you are young you've got a lot to live for. I'm going to Us in the morning, if you like, I can stowaway you on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded, after all, what did she have to loose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She explained, "I have an arrangement with one sailor. He's taking me to Us, and he's screwing me."

The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, it is the Mumbai-Goa Ferry.”