Double Trouble:

Johnny was expecting going out with boys but his wife was protesting. Wife, "last time you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt." Johnny, "But Honey, I promise that I won’t drink a drop of alcohol all night!" After begging for an hour, Johnny got the OK, as long as he stayed off the booze. But as happens, after three hours of guzzling liquor, Johnny blew foodstuff all over his shirt.

Johnny, "Shit! Now she is going to throw me out for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!" Smith, Johnny's best pal, gave an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife. Smith, "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of this, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."

So, when Johnny walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room. Wife, "I knew that you spoiled that new shirt!" Johnny, "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned." His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills. Wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"

Johnny, "Oh, That's from the guy who shit in my pants."