Spoon Play...

A man entered a restaurant and as he sat down, a spoon dropped from the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The man was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"
The waiter replied, "Yes. An efficiency expert determined that 7.8% of our diners drop spoon. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."
As the man was paying the waiter, after ate his meal, he commented, "Do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"
The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. The efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. It saves a lot of time."
"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?"
"Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon."

Poking Nun...

Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines." "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the Fire." The second nun said, "Well, I was in Father's room and found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.

Will Suck...

A young girl was a prostitute and, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided the brothel and arrested her with a group of prostitutes. They were instructed to line up on the sidewalk.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" The young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I’ll have some myself," she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer questioning all the prostitutes. At the end of the line, when he got to Grandma, he was bewildered. "But you’re so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's pretty easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck them dry!"

Dipikosin

If doctor gives a perfect medicine a patient would recover rapidly. That happened to Ramleela star Ranveer Singh, who is fighting with dengue, and now recovering fast. For this speedy recovery He would be thanks to the medicine Dipikosin, that was given to him on Saturday and Sunday. Its effect was so powerful, that he, who couldn’t reacting to any medicine suddenly getting better, and doctors were amazed, what is the reason behind this mysterious recovery, because they didn’t gave him any new prescription.  

Sources said that actually his heroin in Ramleela, and co star in hot number ishqyaun dhishqyaun, Dipika Padukone came to meet him on Saturday and Sunday and her appearance worked like wonder, even better than any medicine. That’s why doctors gave her a new name, Dipikosin!

OMG...

A couple was having difficulty surviving financially. They decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra income. The husband took her to a popular corner and said he would be at the side of the building, in case she had any questions or problems.

A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client 1000 Rs. She went back and told the client, at which he cried, ‘That's too much!’ He then asked, ‘How much for a hand job?’ She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.
The husband said ‘Ask for 500 Rs.’ The woman ran back and told the client. He got agree and removes his pants and underwear. On the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man’s jo was bigger one.
She asked him once more to wait. She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked ‘Now what?’ The wife replied ‘Can I borrow 500 Rs.?’

Real Indian terrific abler...

A boy asked her girl to marry him. She told him to prove his love to her. She wanted him to get her name, Rita, tattooed on his penis. When it is erect it says Rita and when it is limp it says Ra. They got married and went to India to a nude beach. The boy noticed a man who was waiting on him also has a Ra on his penis. He said oh you must have a wife named Rita, and the waiter said no mine says Real Indian terrific abler!!!

Double Trouble:

Johnny was expecting going out with boys but his wife was protesting. Wife, "last time you got so drunk that you puked on your shirt." Johnny, "But Honey, I promise that I won’t drink a drop of alcohol all night!" After begging for an hour, Johnny got the OK, as long as he stayed off the booze. But as happens, after three hours of guzzling liquor, Johnny blew foodstuff all over his shirt.

Johnny, "Shit! Now she is going to throw me out for getting drunk and puking on my new shirt!" Smith, Johnny's best pal, gave an idea of how to keep from getting in trouble with the wife. Smith, "All you got to do is have a $20 bill in your hand when you walk through the door. Then, when she accuses you of this, just tell her that some other drunk puked on you and that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned."

So, when Johnny walked into the house with money in hand, his wife was waiting for him in the living room. Wife, "I knew that you spoiled that new shirt!" Johnny, "Honey, let me explain! This drunken fool puked on me and gave me 20 bucks to have it cleaned." His wife snatched the money out of his hand and observed that he was holding two $20 bills. Wife: "Is that so? Then where did the other 20 dollar bill come from?"

Johnny, "Oh, That's from the guy who shit in my pants."